Dear Mr. Johnson,<\/p>\n
Or, if you prefer, Mr. Rock.<\/p>\n
I love your movies. I really do. So it was with great anticipation that I awaited the opening day of your latest cinematic venture, San Andreas<\/span>. Not just one mega earthquake, but TWO?! Disaster porn at its finest! How could I resist?<\/p>\n Now, having sat through 114\u00a0minutes of stunning CGI, heart-pounding suspense, and emotional turmoil, I can say that I truly enjoyed the thrill ride that is San Andreas<\/span>.<\/p>\n HOWEVER\u2026. Although I applaud your team for bringing awareness to basic emergency response practices (e.g., when cell towers go down, land lines will likely still work), I must take issue with several events that transpired on screen which are just\u2026well, wrong.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n I cannot comment on the feasibility of racing a boat up the vertical face of a cresting tsunami, the wisdom of jumping out of an airplane using a parachute that was packed by a complete stranger, or the physics of performing a last-minute abort of a helicopter autorotation maneuver. I can, however, say that for sheer entertainment value, San Andreas<\/span> is definitely a summer blockbuster.<\/p>\n Sincerely,<\/p>\n Kathleen Starmer<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dear Mr. Johnson, Or, if you prefer, Mr. Rock. I love your movies. I really do. So it was with great anticipation that I awaited the opening day of your latest cinematic venture, San Andreas. Not just one mega earthquake, but TWO?! Disaster porn at its finest! How could I resist? Now, having sat through 114\u00a0minutes of stunning CGI, heart-pounding … <\/p>\n\n
Don\u2019t dive head-first into unknown waters. Ever. Don\u2019t even JUMP in. I don\u2019t care how hyped-up you are to enact a rescue. If you plunge pell-mell into the murky depths, only to brain yourself on a submerged chunk of concrete or snap your leg on an unseen hazard, the Rescuer suddenly becomes in need of rescue himself. Instead, slide in carefully and cautiously. You\u2019re welcome.<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n
Don\u2019t stand on the edge of a crumbling cliff. Seriously. When you screeched up to the newly-exposed ragged edge of the San Andreas fault, CGI chunks of the collapsing roadway were falling away right in front of you<\/em>\u2026and then you took yet another step toward the abyss?! Just\u2026don\u2019t.<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n
The Triangle of Life? Yeah, that\u2019s not a thing. Paul Giamatti\u2019s character\u2019s repeated use of \u201cDrop, Cover, and Hold On!\u201d was brilliant, but your dash to the side of the San Francisco ballpark stadium along with a multitude of citizenry? No. There is just no way to predict which portions of a building or its attached structures will fall during an individual shaking event. Even outside, your best bet is to heed the words of your costar: \u201cDrop, Cover, and Hold On!\u201d<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n